Looking Forward Again

Yesterday, I was depressed with Seasonal Affective Disorder but things are looking up today.  Oh, there's some ritual sadness in the air, but today the sun was shining and that made a difference.

I'm still unable to concentrate on writing and that's worrisome. A friend from Ohio said she has the same problem and it is somewhat comforting to know I am not the only one.

I should have gone to a class this morning, but I told the instructor that when I am in the throes of SAD, I have a tendency to tell people to "eff" off.  I am better away from polite society.

Gary took me out shopping.  At one store, the kitty litter I bought was mis-marked with a wonderful bargain price. When I got to the checkout counter, I was charged double what was marked.  Ordinarily, if something like that happened, I would just turn it back at the checkout counter and walk away from the item, but today, I fought it all the way through customer service and got the bargain.

I am not to be trifled with in February.

So here I am tonight, still feeling blue, but comforting myself with the knowledge that I only have four February days to live through.

Today, the mail brought our wristbands for Canoecopia, an expedition in Madison.  http://www.canoecopia.com/canoecopia/page.asp?pgid=1001  On March 10, we'll be looking at the latest canoes and kayaks and finding out where the best spots are to wet our craft.  By then, SAD will be about over and I can look forward to the euphoria that spring brings.

Sad SAD

This has been a mild winter and with unusually sunny days for February.  Up until today, I was fairly cheerful, but today's gray skies and cold weather hit me with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), a depression that mostly affects people who live in places with long winter nights.

Yesterday, I was walking in warm sun with Gary and talking about our summer plans.

Today, I held it together most of the day, finishing some writing work, but by then we had snow showers and the day turned cold.  When light boards, St. John's wort and vitamin D aren't working, I turn to exercise.  I went over to the aquatic center to swim for a while but the pool was closed.

I walked downtown in a snow flurry to get some groceries but on the way home, the tears started and by the time I was here in my office, I was sobbing.  When I calmed down, I went upstairs to Gary's office to say, "It's here."  Then I went to bed for a long nap.

When I came downstairs, Gary had cleaned and lit candles in every room.  It is lovely to know his concern, even when I explain to him that none of this is his fault, none of this makes any sense, and that nothing he does can stop the pain.

Oh well, sunny days will come again and then it will be all over.  Until then, I am lying low.  I'll skip tomorrow's technical school class.  I'll go to church on Sunday morning but once the choir has sung, I'm going to come home to watch television and sleep.  

Games

At my age (only 67, but getting there), I have to keep in shape, and that means keeping my mind agile as well as my body.  

My mother used to do daily crossword puzzles. We hated to play Scrabble with her because she always won.  When she was still in the ICU after her heart attack, I brought a Scrabble board to the hospital to keep her entertained, or so I said.  I figured it was my only chance to win.  I didn't.  She was totally alert until she suddenly died. 

I don't do crossword puzzles, but each morning, I play spider solitaire, the most difficult version that uses all the suits.  I win about 20 percent of the time.  I keep working at it, thinking about my mother.   

In the evening, before I go to bed, I work sudoku puzzles.  I like the most difficult puzzles but the sudoku books I can buy around here start with really easy puzzles. Either I ignore the first half of the book or speed through by doing four or five at one sitting until I reach the challenging puzzles. 

Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and can't get to sleep.  I find one or the other of the puzzles relaxes me, taking my mind into the problems and away from MY problems.  

So now I am ready to go to bed, taking sudoku with me. 

Writing News

Today I reached the half way point in the third draft on my novel, "Going Down from Gairloch".  I was going to cut a character out but decided I liked her so expanded her role in Chapter 8.  I think she will appear again later in the book.

I've pointed out to many younger writers how easy they have it compared to when I started.  When I wrote my first novel the first four drafts were written on a typewriter, which meant that every page, every paragraph, every word had to be done over and over.  The advent of the computer meant ease of editing with spell checks and cutting and pasting.  In the past, we used to cut typed pages into paragraphs, move them around and then re-type the whole thing.  

It's been a busy writing week.  Besides the novel, I write this blog every night and that means coming up with fresh subjects.

I must have the third part of "Island Fever" edited and posted by Friday afternoon at Black Coffee Fiction
http://blackcoffeefiction.blogspot.com

At the same time, I am trying to finish an assignment for the technical college fiction class by Saturday morning.  I have three stories started and still have no idea which one to work on.

On Facebook, I continue to chronicle the strange state of politics in the State of Wisconsin.  I have readers there, too. Which will come first, the recall election or the indictment for election fraud?  Either way, it looks more and more like this governor will never make it through his second year.  I research and write, research and write.

What I have learned in a lifetime of writing is that the more I have to do, the easier it is to get at the work.   

Necessary Changes

Early this morning, I delivered Gary to his colonoscopy.  My job was to wait around until he was done, about an hour, then drive him home.  During that time in the waiting room, I was reading a Neil Gaiman novel on my Nook when  woman sat down next to me and began chatting about e-readers. I am finding that holding a Nook is like walking a dog.  It's a conversation opener.  She told me her husband had their Kindle on a business trip.  He left with the books she had been reading.

We went onto other topics. We are both liberals in a conservative area.  She, too, signed the recall for the governor.  (Yes, I know that "governor" should be capitalized but I am waiting until we have one I can respect.)

We expressed our outrage at all the male politicians who seem to know what is best for females when it comes to the workplace, contraceptives and general health issues.

In other words, while Gary's innards were being explored, I was enjoying myself when I suppose I should have been wringing my hands and obsessing about his well-being.  I am not good about that worrying thing though so I went right on making a friend.  He managed to survive.

With today's colonoscopy, Gary has finished his yearly physical.  The doctors found some things of concern so he needs to mend his ways.  He must give up his love of cheese and sausage and eat more sensibly. He must exercise more.

I found my copy of Andrew Weil's  8 Weeks to Optimum Health, which I first read in 1997.   I plan on working him into good eating habits over eight weeks, just as I learned better habits back then. This week we will add more vegetables, including broccoli, and eat fish twice.  The only cheese we'll use is Parmesan, just for flavoring. We will walk every day, even if it is only ten minutes in any given day. Dr. Weil feels we should bring flowers into the house, but I've already taken care of that as the forced daffodils are beginning to bloom.

The end of the eight weeks will bring us to April and spring.  I want us to be ready to leap into our summer activities.  

Gary's Turn

Last June, I went through a series of physical exams, ending with a colonoscopy.  Gary found "C-Day" interesting and amusing, especially the preparation day which required many, many rapid trips to the bathroom.  (Whoops! Out of my way!)  But he took me to the exam and made sure to take care of me after.

Now it's his turn.  I helped today by shopping for necessities with him, making Jell-o and boullion, and leaving for the afternoon so he would have the toilet all to himself.  Tonight, he is as ready as he will ever be...except for the phone call from his niece while he was in the bathroom.  She called to make sport of him, but Gary is a tough dude to embarrass.   I don't think I've ever seen him blush.

My alarm is set.  I will drive him to the exam tomorrow, wait around, hold his hand, and take his groggy self home afterwards.  I may even admire the after colonoscopy photos, just as he admired mine last June. It is so nice to have someone to share these moments with.

The critique group suggested I write a short story about our experience entitled, "Love and the Colonoscopy" so I am taking notes.  

Signs of Spring

This morning I woke up to find that one of the daffodil bulbs I started forcing the first week in January was blooming.

February is usually a gray month but this is not the usual February. We've had unusually warm weather.  In other years, there was less sun streaming through my windows.  Then, bulbs planted the first week in January would not bloom until the very end of February.

This afternoon, I saw more effects of the early spring weather.  Behind the Muehl Public Library there's a bed of flowers carefully tended by one of the librarians with the help of a city worker.  There, I found snowdrops ready to pop into bloom. By tomorrow, they will be open.  My records tell me that they bloomed last year on March 20.

On my way home, I heard the male cardinals singing their mating calls.  I think I caught sight of a robin, too, though that could be one of the birds that winter over.

At home, I checked the beds and found crocus shoots all over the yard.

The final sign of spring was not so pleasant.  On our way across the yard, Gary and I each stepped into dog poo.   Still, that's a sure sign.  There will be a blizzard or two but spring is on its way.